death by doritos

man. i just cannot get enough of zesty cheese doritos. evil things, they are. and VERY not macrobiotic, let alone even a tiny bit healthy at all. Jeremy came home from the grocery store the other day with 2 bags. and now they are both gone. now don't go getting the wrong idea here- i did not eat them all....... i just happened to finish off the last bag (half a bag??? yikes...) must be more like 1/4 of a bag?? well, they're gone now- and from now on NO MORE DORITO'S!!!!!

and what drove me to come home and eat the last 1/4(?) bag of doritos?? WEDDING GIG. ahh, the wedding gig. Well, they are good for learning about what you NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS want at your own wedding. need i say more? okay- but just for you...

my wedding gig story.

It is 40 above today. Hot, sticky- not condusive to sleek, sexy hair a la last post. no way. a mass of curls- tamed (kind of) into submission by a combination of 3 hair products. I meet my ride at the subway stop 2 over from mine- and after waiting for only 2 minutes- my makeup has melted half way down my face, and the kind of beaten into submission curls are delightedly expanding into some kind of poof that could only be rivaled by some bridezilla's coif.

We drive in the fantastically fresh and cool air-conditioned car to the gig, swap the fancy white birkenstocks for high heels, and head into the venue. Play for 20 minutes before the wedding, change rooms- and then play MUSIC OF OUR OWN CHOICE for the ceremony. fine- no problem- we have good taste. As we are playing the recessional, the bride and groom decide it would be a great photo opp to stand behind us while we are playing and pose for a few pics. fancy.

we finish the piece, grab our stands- and manage to get through the swarm of people blocking the door giving tons of cool cash to the newlyweds, and set back up in the dinner room, play a bit, have a break (ahh- the booze looks so tempting.. i.... must....... resist..........) and enjoy a cool club soda. Now the plan is to play for an hour during dinner..... only after about 15 minutes we're interrupted by the dj, who (at the request of someone there) wants to mix it up a bit- while they are waiting for salad, after already starting the soup. So, we head to the back of the room (again, must.... resist.....) and get a water. Then what happens?? The dj's pull out a HUGE SPINNING WHEEL, and make some of the party spin it- and now comes the real good time.

Out from under his navy velvet covered dj table, he pulls what could be a limbo stick- but with handles on either side, and a ball hanging by a thread attached at the middle.... which the maid of honour and best man proceed to place on their hips, and try to sway in time to get the ball to circle aound the rod....... and all DURING DINNER. after a few other equally entertaining festivities, we resume playing for the last 20 minutes of our scheduled time.

Now, don't get me wrong. It really wasn't THAT bad. The bride and groom were really sweet, everything was mostly tasteful (except for the maid of honor- who looked a bit like a hooker wearing a short black dress, cut down almost to the belly button, and patent black 4 inch heeled sandals, complete with rhinestones, which wrapped around up to mid-calf). The funny thing is that the woman who runs the (quite posh) venue, was telling us that it was the most expensive wedding they've had there. With the full dinner we (mostly) played for, another full meal at 11, brunch the next day- and only a guest list of maybe 45 people.

whoah.

time for a beer on my patio.